Real Happiness Happens When You Make it Uneven

Make it Uneven 

Picture this: Your wife comes home to find out you’ve cleaned the toilet. No one asked you, but you did it. She loves it! And she feels loved! (Especially if that’s not something you normally do)

Or this: Your husband walks in from a long day at the office, and you hand him an ice cold glass of lemonadelemonade. It’s refreshing and it tells him you love him, all without even having to say a word.

How do these simple things make your spouse feel so important and loved? Because you’ve made things uneven. What does that mean? You’ve tipped the scales in their favor, doing something unexpected and small, but it’s huge to that person.

And do you dance around the kitchen while your wife cooks supper, saying “Honey, remember that dirty toilet in our bathroom? Well, it’s not dirty anymore!” Or do you stand and preen after handing your husband the lemonade, saying “Honey, wasn’t that nice of me to give you a glass of lemonade when you first walked in the door?”

Of course you don’t!

That ruins not only the brownie points, but also the whole point of doing it! You have to be sneaky!

Spy_DogSneaky Like a Spy

I’m not suggesting you put on all black and do backflips through the house to tidy up when no one’s looking. I’m also not saying you can’t acknowledge doing something if your spouse notices–lying is not one of the virtues we’ve been talking about! Ha!

You also can’t take the easy route and just pick up flowers on your way home any time you want to impress your wife with your love. Bringing a beautiful bouquet of flowers home is a great thing to do sometimes, but it isn’t sustainable.

The little things are more important, and sometimes harder to do. For example, it’s much harder to do the dishes when I get home and want to relax and watch tv than to grab flowers on the way home.Flowers_in_a_jar

Wondering where to start? Here’s a few suggestions to get you going.

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It

I’ll give you a quick couple of tips and you can take it from there. Here are five easy ways to show your spouse you love him or her, without breaking your budget or simply shouting it from the rooftops:

  1. Prepare him a glass of water when he’s watching tv. Sometimes something simple like this can be a big deal. Maybe your wife hasn’t had a moment to stop all day, she got home from work and started with the kids and hasn’t even taken a sip of water since she got home!
  2. Make the bed before she does. Or maybe you usually don’t make the bed at all, either of you. Think of the surprise on her face when she walks in to the bedroom, exhausted, and sees the bed all made up, inviting her to relax.
  3. Help get the kids’ lunches ready for the next day. This tells your kids you love them too, so it is a double bonus!Hanging Laundry
  4. Change the laundry before she can get to it. She might get confused, thinking she did it herself without realizing it, but you’ll know. And it will make you feel good.
  5. Make sure the frig is stocked with his favorite drink and hand him one when he gets home. Maybe it’s a root beer, or a real beer, or even the kind of bottled water he likes, but either way, he’ll appreciate it!

Challenge #4: Pick one of these things, or make up one of your own, and sneakily do it this week for your spouse and/or kids! Leave me a comment letting me know which one you’re choosing or what you are doing and how it goes!

Doug Kisgen's back cover photoWho is Doug? Doug Kisgen is an author, entrepreneur and personality expert. His primary work? Raising his five kids with his wife of 20+ years in the hill country of Texas. 

For ways to put these ideas into practice, check out Doug’s book, Rethink Happy: An Entrepreneur’s Journey Toward Authentic Joy, available for pre-order now!


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